If you have been following my series of unfortunate on my Facebook, you will know that I’ve had a rough few days. Heck, I have had a rough few months.
I went back to my office job on January 11 and boy has it been a emotional rollercoaster ever since. I thought I was prepared and that I had all the energy in the world to welcome this new chapter in my life. Boy, was I wrong.
No one tells you how hard it is going to be…
I guess mothers transitioning can read up on how to make the switch go smoother but when your in the thick of it..you get exhausted, really fast. Before I go any further, I want to let you all know that I love working. Always have and always will. Especially, right now. I need to be at work to make myself a better mother. You take work away from me and I will go cray cray. Like really. Staying at home for almost 14 months, was wearing me down.
Kudos too all those Stay-at-Home-Mamas. I couldn’t do it.
I never shared how my transition went and the first thing I want to share about it was that it was hard, really hard. Waking up at 6:00a.m. (or at least setting my alarm for 6:00a.m.) then having to make sure both boys were accounted for until 5:30-6:00p.m. was mentally draining.
On top of working 40 hours a week, I had to make to sure that all the things I was doing during maternity leave weren’t being forgotten. Dinner, Laundry, Cleaning, Bath time, Groceries, Blogging, Family, Friends it all became a blur. I had no schedule and was getting into a routine that I didn’t like.
I was stretching myself thin.
When you want to be successful in every aspect in your life.. you tend to do that to yourself. Trying to build a thriving business as a Blogger and also make sure you’re excelling and meeting expectations at the job that is paying your bills and your livelihood is very very time consuming.
Then you start to question yourself.
“Why the heck am I doing this to myself ?!”, “Is it really that important?!”, “Do you really have to do this?!”
The answer is no, no you don’t have to do this. But for me, no isn’t an option. I have to do this. I have too.
The truth is, I am a bit of an over achiever. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best. Anything less is not acceptable. Maybe it’s because I feel that I have to prove myself. As a mother, as a friend, as a girlfriend.
Ever since I can remember, I have had to fight for what I have.
I am not ready to throw in the towel, quite yet, but being able to share my daily struggles is therapeutic. I’m not even sure who’s reading, but let me thank you for reading my miniature rant session.
So guys, I’m going to stop verbal vomiting all over my computer and confess that I am an exhausted mommy, and I am not ashamed of it anymore. I am not perfect. Every day is a fight for me. The
struggle Hustle is real.