So you did it, you accomplished pregnancy, you endured the hardships of labor, and now you have to make sure that this new life, that you brought into the world, is finding nourishment all while being sleep deprived and sore. Then someone innocently asks you “Wanna have another?”
SAY WHAAAA? Heck no, Heck no, Heck no !
This was me at least. Until recently.
Seriously, after having Abel, I swore… I would never, ever, EVER have another baby. But then…. the sleepless nights, spent breastfeeding, eventually went away. Abel started to grow and became the fireball of a Toddler he is now. His little,wrinkly, baby hands were no more. His newborn cry was gone. And his consent need of my breasts faded away.
A part of me was relieved. Finally! I could sleep (at least more than before). I could enjoy a glass of wine and I could be away from Abel for longer than 3 hours.
Still, I vowed, no more babies. I couldn’t do that to myself again.
Do what to myself? Care for another human life ? again ?! Yes, that’s right.
If you have known me for a while, you’d know that Jayden was a great baby. He was easy going, he was a great sleeper and he was breastfed for a couple months (mainly because I had to go back to school) which meant he was easily pleased. Now, I am not saying that he was perfect, because that would be an over exaggeration of the truth. However, if you want to compare him to Abel. Then ya, I’d say he was close to perfect. hahaha.
Fast forward to Abels birth..I was so ready to take on this new challenge and chapter of motherhood. Abel, being 7 and a half years younger then Jayden meant that I had to relearn everything, that I thought I already knew.
Abel cried more. He slept less. His need and want for me was one thousand percent more then I could handle. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it was because I was naïve in thinking that my second child would be like Jayden. You know, take it “easy” on me. I was completely wrong.
When someone asks me “Are you going to have another one?” or “Wanna try for a girl” I always reply .. “Hell no”.
Then, my sister had her baby. I instantly fell in love with my nephew. The wheels started turning in my head.
You know that feeling when you see a brand new baby and you swoon over them? You go home after your visit and think to yourself, “I wish I had another.” Then you stop yourself. Like….girl wait. You literally just said you didn’t want another baby yesterday. What changed ?!
Well…..I miss the feeling that comes with having a newborn, the excitement. Reality starts to set in and you realize that it is too scary for you to comprehend. I constantly battle with myself when this topic is brought up. Especially when I see several pregnancy and birth announcements on my personal Facebook page and when I am constantly getting asked about it.
Please don’t ask me if I want another baby. Because to be totally honest, I don’t know anymore. I love my boys and saying “But, you need a girl!” makes me feel that my family is incomplete because I am “missing a princess”.
I have my princes and I wouldn’t have it any other way. If we decide to add another prince or a princess to our family then the decision will be based on so many things and not just to simply try for a girl.