“Our ability to DREAM is greatly impacted by our self-confidence.”
It’s been just under a month since I’ve written anything on here. I’ve logged into my site to do the regular updates but other than that, I just haven’t had the strength to write. #GIVINGBACKISSEXY.
Today, I’ve found some strength to get vunerable and I’m writing about something that I’ve been struggling with for a very long time (years) – and that’s self love. The only time I felt like I was enough was in 2011/2012. I lost tons of weight through Kickboxing & Muay Thai, I highlighted my hair, and I was getting attention from people I thought were important.
Now looking back, it was all an act. I acted like I had my shit together to hide the pain and hurt from my past. I thought that if a man could look at me, desire me, and not have me, because now I had the control to make sure they felt like shit, I was winning.
I was 10 years old when my mom left my dad and when she left, he was angry and when he got angry, we all knew what that meant, evil. The last thing he said to us or what I remember to be the last thing, was that my sister and I would not amount to anything except to be whores, sluts and strippers. There was no love for us in this world.
I had years of someone telling that I wasn’t good enough. That I was just a toy to be played with and nobody would ever love me cause I was used. To this day, I still look into a mirror and find things I am not happy with based on lies told to me when I was younger – coupled with what media portrays to be beautiful.
I don’t have a flat stomach, I don’t have skinny arms, and I definitely don’t have a thigh gap.
See, when you hold in decades of pain, when being strong is no longer an option, you try to build yourself into a confident women, their will be plenty of chances to wave the white flag and retreat to how you dealt with problems before. I find that talking about my pain freely and openly has allowed me to accept and slowly move forward.
I am definitely not where I want to be. Not only physically but mentally as well. I want to be “FREE TO BE”. Free to Be Happy. Free to Be Loved. and Free to Be Enough.
I invite you to join me, Genicca Global Group, and Raw Beauty Talks, to raise funds and awareness in aid of their new program ‘Free to Be’.
The Dare to Dream Soirée is a powerful and fabulous evening of community, connection & celebration dedicated to the young professionals, entrepreneurs, artists, educators and leading influencers blazing trails in Vancouver both on and offline.
Our November #D2DSoirée aims to celebrate the hardworking, passionate and purpose-driven community we have, acknowledging their efforts and realizing the unique impact we have when we work together to give back!
Save $10 off your tickets by purchasing through my special link ! Come enjoy live entertainment, canapés, wine, a fashion show and more! Remember we are all beautiful no matter what were told. Self love as a mom is important, so please join me on my journey <3
Photographer: Kristy Powers Photography